Mister Brisbane: All by myself
This week it's a mélange of melancholy and nostalgia. And some fun stuff
I once read a newspaper article about a British politician who said she was “perfectly comfortable with [her] own company”. I took that to mean that she didn’t feel lonely when she was on her own; which is an interested thing to say in a world where loneliness is a major problem, and circumstances have forced a lot of us to be apart from our loved ones.
I’ve lived on my own for most of my adult life, and I’ve noticed that, as I get older, it’s easier and easier to make excuses not to be among other people. There was a time, when I worked as a film and theatre critic, that I went out four or five nights a week. These days, I find it a hassle to get dressed and go out when, thanks to technology, almost everything I need is already at home or can be quickly delivered. If it weren’t for work, I’d be a hermit.
Thanks to the pandemic, many of us have had no choice but to stay at home for long periods. And that has had a devastating effect on our collective mental health, the true cost of which won’t be known for many years. Putting COVID to one side — which is proving difficult — I’m starting to think that I’ve already reached the point where I’ll always live on my own. And I’m not sure what I think about that.
It would appear many of my friends, real and virtual, already have me pegged as a loner. I recently posed the question on social media: “Should I get a girlfriend or an iPad?” A surprising number of people recommended the latter.
For the record, I just bought a Samsung Tablet.
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TOON TIME
As the picture at the top of this newsletter shows, I’ve been messing around with some apps to “cartoonify” my face. At least one of my Facebook followers is not impressed with any of them. Do you think I’d look good as a cartoon character? Do you have a preference from the images above? Or do you just not care?
SLOGAN BOGAN
For no particular reason, the old advertising pitch “Buy Hecla, it’s good” came to mind the other day. After that, the slogans started rushing back: “A little dab’ll do ya”, “You ought to be congratulated”, “Good on you, Mum” …
Can you name the products? (The answers are at the end of the newsletter.) And can you add to the list?
C’MON, C’MON
For those still following my online dating misadventures, I thought I’d share some of the “come on” lines directed at me:
“Had a dream I met a guy like u. Can u imagine??”
“Hi, dear! It’s never dull with you, isn’t it?”
“Do you have any car driving skills?”
“Hello! What is the greatest weakness in food you have?”
“Hey, you’re pretty and I’m cute. Together we’d be Pretty Cute.”
“[Do] A lot of girls try to chase you?”
“Do you stick to quiet and measured rhythm of life rather or a turbulent one?”
“Hello, darling! What are your biggest fears about relationships?”
“Hello, dear! Do you prefer smart or beautiful girls?”
“Love at first sight is wonderful, you agree with me?”
“Do you like a passionate naughty woman?”
“I hope that the characteristics that you seek the most in a future partner you will find in me.”
“Do you feel isolated because of the quiet of the night? Can I get you out of that?”
“Most people choose flight or teleportation of all super powers, how about you?”
“Are you looking for a rich girlfriend?”
“I have the feeling that we were familiar earlier. Where did we meet?”
“Can I dance for you in private? I would love to show you the real me, and the attractive aspects.”
“Can I get key to your heart using sincerity?”
“Do you think animals have human fingerprints?”
BIGGER THAN …
We missed out on a lot of big Brisbane events last year thanks to the pandemic. And the unpredictability of lockdowns and associated restrictions has put others in doubt. Which got me thinking … what are the “essential” Brisbane events? By that I mean, huge occasions that we all know about, and many of us have been to at some stage in our lives. I’d have to start with the Ekka (pictured, in 1910). State of Origin at Suncorp Stadium — a sore point right now, I know — would be another. Maybe not the Brisbane Festival per se, but probably Riverfire. Would the Lifeline Book Fest qualify? Any of the big horse races? Maybe the Stradbroke, Tatts Day or the Doomben Cup — or has racing past its prime in terms of human attendance? Are there others?
FEEDBACK
In reference to my recent mention of Brisbane brands, Anthony says: “Your mention of Dominos had me recalling Eagle Boys which started in Albury before moving HQ to Brisbane.”
On the subject of best bakeries, Sally says: “Thoroughly recommend Uncle Bob’s Bakery at Belmont. Another good option is the bakery next to Red Rooster, corner of Shore Street West and Delancey St, Ormiston.” Walter writes: “The Standard Market Company at Newstead make the best Crème brûlée, and they torch it for you on the spot plus you get to keep the ceramic Ramekin. Let’s just say I have quite the collection. Saigon Bakery in the Swich [Ipswich] are damn good too, especially their vanilla slices.” And Jill notes: “They’re all good, let’s not play favourites here!”
Regarding my item about the Beatles-inspired short film, Paul Is Dead, Eric Scott, a Brisbane writer and former showbiz journalist, shared this anecdote from his memoir:
Oban was a small town with colourful houses crowding down to the dockside where tourists queued to take a boat trip to the Mull of Kintyre, then the home of Beatle Paul McCartney.
We took the trip. We went past Seal Island, which was fully occupied by glistening seals that dived and played in the small white-caps. We landed on Mull for a short while, just to explore and look at the lighthouse, but there were no Hollywood-style coaches to take us for a viewing of the McCartney stronghold.
Little did the tourists know that I had Paul McCartney’s private phone number on my office desk, along with other luminaries like James Robertson Justice and a Mr Sean Connery.
One day when rumours ran rampant that Paul had been killed, the boss said: “give him a ring”. So I did. Paul answered.
“Hi Paul, Eric Scott here from TV Times, rumour has it that you’re dead.”
“Hang on a minute,” he said in his Liverpudlian drawl. “Hey Linda,” he called away from the phone, “There’s a guy here wants to know if I’m dead. Oh, okay.” Then he came back to me. “Apparently not,” he said to me, “but thanks for asking.”
ANSWERS
Hecla, of course (they made electric jugs, toasters and other kitchen equipment). Brylcreem. Meadow Lea*. Tip Top.
*According to this reference, “congratulated” was chosen because it rhymed with “polyunsaturated”.
CORRECTION
For some bizarre reason I misspelled the name of Harper’s Bazaar in the first draft of the last newsletter. It has since been corrected. Thanks to Cathy and others who noted this “deliberate error”.