Mister Brisbane: Power play
The one where I drink beer, and go deeper down the rabbit hole of internet dating
I went out on a work night for the first time in weeks, and I had a ball. The evening began at the Brisbane Powerhouse, where I attended a launch for Heads of Noosa’s range of beers at Mary Mae’s restaurant. I hardly drink these days, but I did make an exception on this occasion — and I can say that these local lagers are certainly worth checking out. I say local because the brothers behind the brews, Craig and Lance Masterson, describe themselves as being from Brisbane’s northside. That originally meant Bald Hills, but they’ve since moved slightly further north to Noosa.
The event gave me the opportunity to catch up with some very interesting people. And it made me realise how the pandemic has kept many of us from widening our social circles.
On the spur of the moment, I also took a trip to Caloundra last week. A wave of nostalgia rolled over me, but it only took a few minutes of staring out into the Pacific Ocean to cure it. It was less than a three-hour round trip, but I returned somehow refreshed.
Tune in to the Mister Brisbane radio show on Reading Radio at 1296AM and on DAB+ in Brisbane at 6.30pm on Tuesday nights. It’s also available as a podcast. Just search for “Mister Brisbane” on your favourite player or follow this link.
PARK LIFE
A few weeks ago I made a lame joke about Brisbane’s very own Central Park being no rival for the famous one in New York. This past week, I actually went to our Central Park (on the border of Cannon Hill and Murarrie). It’s still no match for the Big Apple but, as the photo shows, it’s pleasant enough.
DOUBLE DATE
A special Mister Brisbane report that may interest you if you read or heard about my online dating adventures in the last edition …
I know I wrote that not all dating websites are scams. After a week of using half a dozen of them, I might have to reassess that statement. I am at least prepared to say that if not the sites themselves, many of the users they allow on to their pages are decidedly dodgy.
Take Mary, 37, from Saint-Jerome in Quebec, Canada. Who’d have thought she had an identical twin — who is somehow five years younger than her — in Sofia, Bulgaria? (Note: I blurred out the eyes, because somewhere out there is a real woman who may not be aware that her image is being used by scammers.) Either that or somebody’s posting bogus profiles. Now, since all photos are supposed to go through a vetting process — mine took several hours before approval — and given the advanced state of face-recognition technology these days, it defies belief that a scrupulous business could accidentally post the same image for different members. Especially a business that is charging the likes of me like a wounded bull.
You’d be forgiven for thinking the scammers are having a laugh. And maybe they are. Look at this excerpt from a profile:
For those who are not initiated in the dark online arts, “catfishing” is, according to Wikipedia, “a deceptive activity where a person creates a fictional persona or fake identity on a social networking service, usually targeting a specific victim”.
Oh, and then there is this message I received from a woman I’d only just virtually met:
THE MONEY TRAIL
Even the apparently legit sites — that is, those not run from countries where the financial and legal systems, and consumer protections, are not as thorough as they are here — are constantly trying to upsell. They are always asking you to pay more, even when what they are offering for the extra money could reasonably be expected to be part of the service paid for in the first place.
To pay, I used a debit card that didn’t have a very high balance, in the expectation that somebody would try to take more money than I’d agreed to. If the entities I’m dealing with get too greedy, I may have to close that account. Using my credit card number — unless I set up a very low limit — would have been like giving them a blank cheque.
CLOSE CONTACTS
Rule no. 1 is never to use your normal email address, unless you want it to be relentlessly spammed until the end of time. I set up a “burner” address — one I can abandon if need be — but gave it out to selected contacts, who I thought might be genuine. It only took a couple of days before I started receiving unsolicited emails (purportedly) from women I had not contacted. This pretty much establishes that the women I thought I was chatting to were not who they claimed to be.
Another scam is getting messages from women listed on a “related” website to the one you’ve joined. Contacting these women requires you to pay more.
TOO MUCH LOVE
One mistake these women (if they are even women) make is coming on too strongly too quickly. Nobody falls so completely, madly, deeply in love and is prepared to uproot their whole life (no matter how bad it might be) for a man they met five minutes ago. Think: “Would this happen in rea life?”
EXPERT ADVICE
Here’s what the Queensland Office of Fair Trading has to say about romance scams:
To protect yourself and your money, ensure you read and understand the associated terms and conditions before entering into any contract, no matter how enticing the deal may sound.
Although free to sign up, some dating apps charge for additional functions such as further information about potential introductions, contacting other profiles or changing a subscription.
Under the Australian Consumer Law, it is an offence for a business to make a false or misleading claim, or one that is likely to mislead or deceive, such as advertising a service with an incorrect or partial price.
There would be more, except that at the time of writing, the link to the statement on the issue — with the punny title Love Apptually — your perfect match may come with a catch — is broken. Maybe that’s the catch.
The ACCC’s Scamwatch website also has some good advice for the lovelorn.
RULES OF LOVE
Here’s some of what I’ve learnt so far, which may be of assistance to anyone thinking of going down the rabbit hole:
I think I’d be asking for proof of their existence. Photographs aren’t enough, they can be faked or they can be somebody else’s. Maybe ask for a photo taken in a specific way — holding a copy of the day’s paper, or maybe with, say, a teapot in their hand. Everyone has a camera on their phone or PC, so if they are chatting to you, they should be able to do this.
Don’t engage with people with just one photo on their profile, and who haven’t answered the questions. They are most likely frauds — and lazy frauds at that.
Do a Google image search on the photos. It may help you discover if they are used on multiple sites for fraudulent purposes.
Also use Google to search for email addresses and suspicious-sounding phrases in any communication you get. There are scamwatch sites that keep a record of these things.
Apply some common sense. Even if a person in, say, China is real and is really interested in you, how practical is it? Apart from the travel restrictions at the moment, what are the chances of her being allowed to come to Australia to settle, even if married to an Aussie? Do you know, or have you heard of, anyone who has ever done this?
Be honest about yourself. Why would a beautiful young woman (or man) be interested in you? Sure, they may have a “thing” for old guys, or they are seeking financial and emotional stability that they can’t get from a younger person, or they just want to get out of where they are living and come to another country. But it’s probably none of those things. You have to be aware that the person you are chatting to simply does not exist or, if they do, is calculating to extract money from you and doesn’t mind breaking your heart in the process.
Under no circumstances send money to somebody you only know over the internet. Send them a modest gift if you like. Or, if things get serious, an airline ticket. But sending cash is not a very bright thing to do — no matter what sob story you hear.
FEEDBACK
Peter reacted to my online dating stories last week with the comment: “Are you sure this isn't a late audition for Big Brother?”
In response to a photo I posted on Facebook of me with an adorable cobber dog (which belongs to a relative of mine), Louise asked: “Is it your dog or are you cat fishing getting women to believe you love dogs?” Graeme wrote: “I thought you were taking your rug to the cleaners.” And Scott said: “Love those John Howard eyebrows.”