Mister Brisbane: Doughnut or not?
A treat from my childhood, but under another name, tastes just as sweet
When I saw this item, pictured above, at the Brumby’s bakery in Cannon Hill, I knew exactly what I was looking at.
Or, at least, I thought I did.
To me it was, and probably always will be, a jam and cream doughnut (or donut, if you insist).
But it was advertised as a “Long John” — a phrase I’d only ever previously associated with the underwear I purchased before I spent my first winter in Europe.
I bought it — of course I did — photographed it and ate it.
Then, I posted the picture on social media (Twitter, Instagram and Facebook), with the following words: “Serious question: what do you call this?”
The internet went crazy, with hundreds of likes and, at the time of writing, 15 hours after posting, more than 500 comments on Twitter alone.
So, what should it be called?
First up I’m going to disqualify two popular suggestions: cream bun or “Boston bun”. As at least one respondent correctly (to my mind) pointed out, a bun is made of bread and this item is a cake.
Some people called it a “Matchstick”, which to me is a different thing altogether, involving cream and jam (the red jam being the “head” of the stick) but with flaky pastry, not doughnut mix.
Others thought it might be a variation on an éclair, which I reckon would involve choux pastry, which this item does not.
Others suggested the terms “Jam Split” or “Finger Bun”.
This brings up back to the term doughnut, which upsets the purists who say a doughnut must be circular with a hole in the middle. Others say a doughnut should look more like it’s made from a batter — which, from my experience of Krispy Kremes, many American donuts are.
The upshot seems to be that what you call this thing is connected to where you live (or lived when you first encountered it) and how old you are.
It’s a bit like the potato scallop/ potato cake debate — except with more options.
People I know who, like me, grew up in Brisbane in the 1960s, 70s or 80s, seem to call it a jam-and-cream doughnut or cream doughnut.
Donut King, which originated in Sydney, calls a similar item on its menu a jam and cream éclair, but tweep Colin notes “it was called a Jam and Cream Roll at Narwee Boys High School”, which is in the Sydney burbs.
And another New South Wales resident says they are “Long Toms”.
One respondent reckons they are called “jammy poles” in Adelaide, but I can’t find any use of that term in that context, so it might be a wind-up. Maybe it’ll catch on.
Other answers included: “Kevin”, “Yuk”, “Orgasmic”, “Breakfast”, “A heart attack if consumed in abundance” (there were lots of variations on that one), “One of our missing French nuclear submarines”, “Something I will never eat”, “delicious” and “a sweet memory”.
A lot of people mentioned them in the context of the school tuck shop. That’s where I first encountered them, but I have a feeling they’re not on the menu there any more.
Over to you. Do you have another name for this product. Or do you know of other products that have different names in different places?
FEEDBACK
My item on the demise of radio station 4KQ garnered quite a few responses, including some theories that the format, and even the callsign, might survive the sale which will see the 693 frequency taken over by sports network SEN.
Walter Williams, another familiar Brisbane radio voice, says: “A sad day for Brisbane. I hope these presenters and other staff involved will be given due compensation.”
Trevor: “Another station to be removed from ‘my dial’. I feel for all those who will lose their jobs. Oh for the Hey Days of 4IP and 4BC.”
Brendon: “Sad news but opportunity knocks now for other stations to see if they try to fill the void.”
Dianne: “I'm very sad and for goodness sake, what a loss of music just for middle aged sportsmen guffawing at their own jokes.”
Also, the consensus seems to be that that plant I posted in the last missive is, as I suspected, a pumpkin vine.