Mister Brisbane: End of an era
As one door closes, another one is not quite ready to open
If you are listening to this rather than reading it, then it’s time for me to say auf wiedersehen. The Mister Brisbane Radio Show/ podcast, which I launched a year ago with the encouragement of my friend, former co-host and current colleague, Spencer Howson, is about to undergo a break in transmission. My thanks go to Spencer, whose idea, encouragement and participation helped me through some tough personal times, and to Reading Radio for playing it several times a week.
The reason I’m ending the show is that I have new places to channel my excess energy and enthusiasm. I’m working on a couple of ideas with a broader scope that Mister Brisbane but, like all good things, they can’t happen just by me wishing it so. I’m looking for people to partner with and to participate. I’ll be making shout-outs on social media soon, but if you want to collaborate with me, I’m all ears. (Figuratively speaking of course, as literally being all ears would be grotesque and unsustainable.)
The Mister Brisbane newsletter will continue more or less in its current form, but everything I do is up for reassessment. After a couple of significant life events last year, I realise that there’s a time to do new things and a time to set aside some other things. The last thing I want is for this to become a chore — for me or for you.
Tune in to the last Mister Brisbane radio show on Reading Radio at 1296AM and on DAB+ in Brisbane at 6.30pm on Tuesday, August 17. It may be repeated after that date, but that will be the last original one for now. It’s also available as a podcast. Just search for “Mister Brisbane” on your favourite player or follow this link.
Fun fact: It took Alexa and other “smart” assistants a while to catch up with my podcast. For the first few weeks/ months when I said “Play the Mister Brisbane podcast”, it would play the B105 Stav, Abby and Matt highlights audio. Very clever of them … trying to cash in on my success.
THE NOSE KNOWS
We all know about the power of song to transport us to another time and place. When I hear Soft Cell’s Tainted Love, I remember a night I spent with friends at the Homestead Tavern in Boondall when I was 22. I also know that by mentioning that song, I’ll have passed on an earworm to at least some of you reading this.
But it’s not just the things we hear that we associate with memories. Sometimes smell can do the trick, too. When I moved from Brisbane to Toowoomba for my first job in journalism, I got a little home sick. I discovered, by accident, that a visit to the K-mart Plaza in south Toowoomba helped calm that feeling — because it smelt exactly like the K-mart Plaza at Arana Hills, which was my local shopping centre in Brisbane. Could such a thing be called a noseworm? And do you have any examples?
LIFE IN A VACUUM
I received a press release in which somebody referred to “hoovering up” something or other. It’s a common expression in the UK, but I didn’t think it had much currency here. I believe the Hoover people are in two minds about it, because while it’s nice to have your brand as a synonym for the thing your product does, it creates the confusion that all vacuum cleaners are alike, which isn’t good for business. And, of course, it’s dated. Wouldn’t we be more likely to “dyson” something up these days?
HELLO, OLD FRUIT (AND VEG)
On online discussion about chokos — specifically a tweet from Sue, who said she hadn’t encountered one since her grandmother died —reminded me of how we associate certain things with another generation. My uncle and aunt used to grow chokos in their back yard, and I vaguely remember my Mum cooking with them. But I doubt the generations younger than me have even seen a choko. If so, maybe they regard it in the same way my nephew thinks of paw paws (papaya, if you insist) as “old man’s fruit”.
Fun fact: Chokos are also known as sousout, chayote or christophene (after Christopher Colombus).
P.S. Can anyone confirm or deny the rumour about chokos being passed off as pears in tinned fruit?
SHIP SHAPE?
Sorry to bang on again about one of my pet topics, but this is my newsletter after all … As I write a judge in Florida has upheld the right of a cruise ship company to insist all its passengers be vaccinated for COVID. Of course, it being America, that sound and reasonable judgment could easily be overturned. Whatever happens there, it brings me back to the point that our federal government has apparently refused to even engage with the cruise industry on the matter of getting the big ships sailing again. The industry body, CLIA, has put forward a COVID-safe plan that ought to at least be considered.
Yes, I know the Ruby Princess issue still looms large, but that was an omnishambles in that, not just the cruise company, but two levels of government made fundamental errors. And we have to bear in mind that most cases of COVID since then has entered the country via airlines, not boats. There must be a solution to this. While those in power dither, Brisbane’s new cruise terminal and other similar facilities remain vacant, and thousands of people who derive an income directly or indirectly from this industry are suffering.
FEEDBACK
On the subject of Brisbane’s biggest blunders, David J says: “It’s very location for a start”. Daniel R writes: “There were initial plans in the 1990s for the Northern Busway to remain elevated and extend through to Aspley. I still maintain this would have been phenomenal for traffic concerns. There would never be a bus on Gympie Road at all.”
Rae: “Stopping the Bicentennial Bikeway at Toowong rather than running it to UQ at St Lucia.” David N: “Lordy...where do you START?” Terry: “Given its brief life (built 1986) and its extraordinary ugliness and dreariness, the Brisbane Transit Centre would have to be a candidate.” Warren: “The lack of a northern freeway to Bald Hills.”
From Daniel E, “Well obviously, The Regent needs to be rebuilt. In terms of other recent disastrous planning and development works... the ICB and tunnel ramp chaos around the RBH, the loss of the RNA showground's Industrial Pavilion and its ever shrinking grounds for new apartments, The Go Between Bridge being a toll road.”
And Philip, who is Canadian, says: “The biggest mistake globally was not making suburbs communities. Instead people travel for work, shopping, schools and leisure. I still love old Toronto as a city of complete neighbourhoods.”
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE
Listeners to my podcast will know that I tag on some extra material after reading the column. For this, I draw on my extensive archive of published feature stories and comment pieces from newspapers that employed my services over the past three decades. This week, I’ve been delving into my personal blog archives and discovered one of my favourite pieces, which I’ve decided to share here as well as on the podcast. It was published in 2013:
I SEE (AND HEAR) ALL
I was recently asked when I was going to publish my almost-annual list of Australian radio predictions.
Well, when I sat down to make a start, I realised it was a bit too early to make meaningful predictions for 2014, given that many stations have still not confirmed their on-air line-ups.
So, instead, here’s a list of things I would like to hear on the radio:
“For #@+*’s sake, I’m a 40-year-old man. I am not the least bit excited by the fact that One Direction are coming into the studio this morning, unless I get the chance to kick one of the %$#@ twerps in the &%#@$s.”
“This being the ABC, I am not supposed to venture a personal opinion on air, but after what you just said Cyril, I’m prepared to risk my career and make an exception.”
“If you really think we get this perky in the morning just by drinking products from our sponsor, Coca-Cola, you are very much mistaken.”
“Actually, Bruce of Logan, you are a hateful, bigoted old man who has never achieved anything of significance in your miserable life and rather than be angry with yourself, you have externalised the blame on people who are making an honest effort to make a go of their lives, and are prepared to risk what little they have to create a brighter future for their families.”
“You know what Shazza, I am constantly amazed by the extent to which so many of our listeners are prepared to demean themselves to win a worthless prize we contra-ed from one of the advertisers.”
“Rather than hook young Darlene up to the lie-detector, I’m going to attach it to myself and tell you all what I really think.”
“If you don’t stop perving at me and aiming sexist remarks in my direction Bazza, I’ll email those pictures from the last Radio Awards function to your girlfriend.”
“Despite explicit instructions to the contrary from station management, I have decided to henceforth refer to myself by my given name, Michael, rather than the childish epithet of ‘Beano’.”
“Who are we kidding? We know most of you are only listening because you like the music, and that you change station whenever an ad comes on or we start talking.”
“And the whole gang from the station will be at the big listeners’ party on Friday night, even though we’d rather apply a dentist’s drill to our eyeballs.”
“Do you seriously think I would actually use any of these crap products I endorse on air? I have to put on surgical gloves just to touch the huge wads of cash they pay for me doing it.”
“No, by all means, do keep talking Doris. It’s 3 o’clock in the morning, nobody else is listening and, on the money they’re paying me for this graveyard shift, I literally do not have a home to go to.”
“I hate you all.”
AND, FINALLY …
While the podcast will be in hiatus after the current episode, this newsletter will almost certainly return next week.